My Existence Led by Confusion Boats

I did it. I gave notice. I'm FREE!!

I was very nervous. I always think people are going to be mad at me. Once I moved into a big shared house in Toronto, and it was a sort of creepy atmosphere and I lived there uneasily for a few months until one day, one of the creepiest women said to me, "We're getting evicted" and I felt a surge of joy. Released! Of course, it made me realize I wait for fate to decide things.

On the subway on the way to work, I was sick to my stomach from fear. (I've been sick to my stomach a lot lately which I've been attributing to stress, but it might actually be that I'm dying and this whole thing will be moot.) I started thinking about bills and health insurance. Fear! Fear and doubt hammered at me. The train lurched sluggishly under the city and I felt doomed.

Moods are funny. When I got to work, I sat miserably at my computer for a while. I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to do. I felt like putting it off.

I put everything off. I treat all of life as if it's too special to be touched. After a while, I got up and went to talk to my supervisor. She looked amazed, but not angry at all. I explained my newfound clarity about pursuing comedy writing. She couldn't have been nicer.

This whole day is now one of the weirdest in a long time. I feel dazed and unreal. But I feel happy.