You're Not Crossing the Cyber Pass
Ooo -- I want to vent about something. I didn't want this blog to be mean-spirited but -- oh well, here goes.
This drives me crazier than anything in the world: when someone in front of me pauses before getting on an escalator. Even a slight hesitation irritates me, but people who actually stop, clutch the railing and watch the metal steps sweep slowly by as if catching one will be as tricky as leaping a fast-rushing stream -- come ON!
Normally I try to be tolerant of my fellow New Yorkers -- it's the only way to get through a day. If you're enraged by every lapse of sense or coordination you're confronted with, you'll spend the whole day fuming. It's best to practice a glassy, forgiving smile and to reiterate "excuse me" constantly lest someone mistake an innocent bump for aggression and the next thing you know you could be eating six inches of cold steel.
But the escalator thing. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is easier than getting on an escalator. There's no need to interrupt your stride for a split second or even to look down. Just step onto it. It's impossible to do anything wrong. The worst possible thing to happen would be if your foot happened to catch the edge of a rising stair but this is EASY to deal with, I swear -- EASY. Nothing could be EASIER than adjusting the placement of your foot. Nothing has interfered with your smooth, slow (if you won't walk -- another thing I could be moved to murder over) ascension on the moving staircase. Nothing ever WILL. Getting on an escalator must rank up there with purchasing a loaf of bread for dangerous activities.
Okay, I just needed to say that. Unfortunately, no one who needs to hear it will ever read it. Why? Well, because I have about 4 readers, for one thing, but also, because the people who read my blog have two brains to rub together! They aren't pausing in front of escalators before they get on them! Are you? I mean, if you are, we have to rethink this whole relationship.
posted by La Misma at 11:13 AM
4 Comments:
Are you kidding? Those things are death traps. It's why I fear airports. You go from escalator to people mover to escalator! Gyahh! I can't take it! The step is moving! How am I supposed to do this? What if I'm dragged up a flight of stairs! I'd die. Of embarrasment!
!
I find myself peering at the escalator steps as they rise and pass, and I think, now, but I'm scared and the hesitation means it's too late. I have to wait for the next one. To make matters worse, usually people run into my back and curse at me.
I would just ake the stairs but that would require physical effort, and sorry, but it's not worth it.
3:45 PM
Well it is you and your kind I despise with a blind fury, though I'm sorry to say it, as we've had reasonably congenial relations up till now.
that's over! not ever a kind word from me, you knave.
Had I known you were such a lily-livered -- oh, you're not worth wasting words on.
3:48 PM
An untied shoelace or unbound hair that reaches the floor causes many to hesitate at the bottom of the 'sclator. But what makes them stop at the top?! That's what backs things up and is so dangerous. Sometimes, when that happens, I say, "Don't stop at the top of the escalator/stairs, please." But I don't say it cheerily.
"Cyber Pass" is a good name for a novel. V. Douglas Coupland.
7:50 AM
I remember viewing escalators with some trepidation when I was about 6. I think my family and I went to a big-city hotel for the weekend, as we sometimes did, since we lived in a relatively quiet town. I digress. I remember I had to practice a few times getting on. While going up was no problem, I couldn't get the hang of going down and that seemed much more terrifying for some irrational reason. I got the hang of it eventually and spent the rest of the weekend trying to take the escalator every chance I could. I presume, however, you are talking about adults. 6 year olds are another matter altogether
5:08 PM
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