Oh England

You don't need moisturizer there.

The air is soft, damp and breezy and your skin stays supple.

That's one of many ways I thought England seemed better than the U.S.

Another was organization. When you got on a bus for another city, you were informed in a clear voice over a working loudspeaker about the journey ahead. The driver told us about a detour because of an accident on the highway. (Motorway.) The bus pulled out smartly on schedule. Announcements occurred at the slightest need for explanation.

I took this as a sign of the country's commitment to mass transit.

On the other hand, we come out ahead in the bathroom category. The bathrooms on the inter-city buses are horrific. After a bad experience, my family told me they never used them and to avoid it at all costs. Also, the bathrooms in restaurants, bars etc. are unheated. I give this a resounding frowny face. It seems needlessly primitive.

Food often runs out in the grocery stores. I find this charming. Behind the empty vegetable bins seems to be a more relaxed work ethic, and an attitude of "So what? No greens. We'll have to have turnips" or whatever. Making do with what you have. Far from the North American ethos of striving tensely after perfection for each meal. Not to mention the pressure on stores and workers to serve the customers like they are the kings of Siam.

On the other hand: Table service is very slow in England and sometimes they don't have a good part of what's listed on the menu. This can seem charming or feckless, depending. (It kind of makes you see where the "Cheese Shop" skit by Monty Python came from.)

Coffee: We come out on top. They don't know what ordinary, brewed coffee is. All they know how to make is the espresso drinks. Those are fine for flavor but sometimes you want a regular cup of good, strong coffee -- forget it! If you score one it's as weak as tea.

Tea. What's up with that tea, tea, tea thing? Tea is fine once in a while. It can be nice first thing. But all day? At every turn? What's the attraction? It's hot water that doesn't taste enough like coffee, to me.

Atmosphere: They win. Hands down. The country is smaller, and there isn't the sense of disorganized misery that pervades the U.S. There's more sense of community in England, even if only from the tiny size and the teeny little trips they take to visit each other (compared with ours). I recently read an interview with Chris Hedges on Salon -- he has a new book out about the religious right, and he said that it appeals to the lost, lonely Americans who have no community structure, who live vacant, sad, disconnected lives. I agree in spades.

Jolliness: They win. Whether it's a nice cuppa or a magnum of champagne, they're always ready to have a liquid stimulant and get on with things. I love that moment in "The Queen" when Helen Mirren gets off the phone, having had a very difficult conversation with someone about Diana, and walks into the other room saying cheerfully: "Tea!"